Tuesday, February 4, 2014

A Meltdown.

I've been popping in and out of here (and my other social media accounts, as well) very sporadically over the last week or so because my mind is just a mess. I lay down at night with great ideas for a few blog posts and then I just have no follow through during the day.

And Friday was a great example of why. It had been a crazy week at work since it was the end of the month plus the "snow" we had which led to issues with getting to and from work which just added to the end of the month stress. I woke up really cranky. I was just awful. I was barely speaking to Christian, I didn't want to talk to anyone and I obviously didn't show my face around here, either. It was bad.

We ran a few errands sporadically throughout the day when Christian had lulls in his work and even the ones I needed and wanted to do, I was cranky and mean while we were out. He was trying really hard to be nice and not snap back at me and he honestly did a great job being patient with me. Finally, after hours of me just being a complete brat, he sat me down and made me tell him what the heck was going on and why I was being so awful.

Cue the waterworks. 

Seriously, I laid on the bed and cried without saying a word for 10 or 15 minutes, probably. Christian used to get seriously stressed out when I cried when we first started dating, but he's definitely calmed down and handled it like a champ.

Once I finally admitted everything that was stressing me out and why I was so upset, he did a great job of calming me down. He reassured me that everything was going to be okay and I didn't need to get myself this worked up over it all. I am so lucky that I have him to stand by me through life and get me through all the tough times.

Once I had some time to think over everything he said and why I was upset, I also got pretty annoyed with myself. Yes, there are things in life that could be much better right now (ahem, my job). But, I've always tried to look past small negative things in my life and remember all the great things I have. Yet, here I am crying over my job, being mean to my fiancé and just being unhappy every single day because of something so small.

I'm constantly begging Christian to let me quit my job (even though there's no way we could ever afford this right now) and just being negative. Every day I'm set to go into work, I'm cranky and mean. While I'm there, I'm not the nicest person. I try to find any way possible to leave early, get off the phones, etc. I get bitter because everyone around me loves their job and is great at it.

This is one thing in my life and I'm letting it completely take me over. My job isn't my life and there are plenty of people who don't love their jobs. I always thought I would be one of those people who love their jobs, but I'm not and I need to get over it. I know you guys have read about my job woes plenty of times and that just proves that I'm letting something completely take me over.

So, today I'm trying to start over and take a moment every day to remember the wonderful things that I have to be thankful for:

I live in a beautiful apartment with the most perfect fiancĂ© and cutest little kitty. I'm planning a beautiful wedding to that perfect man. I have wonderful friends who support me no matter what. I have an amazing family that I get to see in a few weeks. And I fully believe that what is meant to happen, will. If I'm meant to find a new job, it will appear and they will want to hire me. 

Well, I know this wasn't the happiest post in the world, but maybe putting it out there for you guys to read will help keep me accountable and stop me from getting so stressed out and down on myself. 

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Elise @ Her Heart and Home said...

We all have those moments, girlie! I feel you 100%! Sometimes, just letting it all out and having a meltdown of tears is just what the doctor ordered. Hugging you!!! <3

Carly said...

I honestly think sometimes a good cry can make you feel SO much better! And even though we all, always have something to be thankful for, sometimes things just suck-- and I think it's okay to be upset about it! Hope this post helped you to feel a little bit better!

The Lady Okie said...

I had a job I absolutely hated this time last year. Now I have a job I love. It is no understatement to say that your job can make you so upset and cranky and hate your life if it's something you don't like. I've been there, so don't feel ridiculous for being upset. But there is a lot to be thankful for, and I admire your attitude. Something better will come along! Just keep looking and putting your name out there.

Pleas(e) and Carrots said...

Oh girl I know exactly how you feel. I need to read this post every time I start to get down about work, because you're right, it is only one area of our lives!