Monday, October 3, 2016

Some Thoughts on Marriage

Three years ago I wrote this post talking about how lucky I was to be with Christian. Little did I know, there was a ring box hiding in our closet that he was about to give me in less than 48 hours. I cannot believe we are now three years out from that day and celebrating six years together today and will be celebrating two married years in a few weeks. Time flies when you're happy, for sure.

I'm going to save my super sappy post for our wedding anniversary since that's also an excuse to share some wedding photos ;)

Today, though, I want to talk about getting married young. Christian and I were 25 and 23, respectively, when we got married. In the South, that's pretty normal. But, in the rest of the country, not so much.
I never had plans of falling into a stereotypical Southern anything.  I mean I barely have a Southern accent (thank you, thank you, I've tried hard). I left my small town as soon as I could and I had plans of moving to a big-ish city with nothing tying me anywhere after college. Well, I did move to that big-ish city but I did so with someone tying me to it.
Image result for charlotte nc skyline
 After a few months of living in the same city, we moved in together (don't ask how that conversation went with my conservative, Southern family). But, by that point, I was ready to get married. Yes, at 22, I was ready to be married to Christian. #typicalSoutherngirl
I have ZERO regrets about being a "stereotype" though. I'm a firm believer in "you know when you know". What was the point of us living together forever if I knew what was going to happen? What was the point of prolonging being an "official" family? So we jumped.
This has caused me so many frustrations, though. Not about being married but about people's judgments. Why are we all so obsessed with what other people are doing? (I'm not excluding myself from this, I totally stalk social media just like everyone else) How does my marriage affect you?
Before we were engaged/married, I heard "Oh so you guys are living together? But you're not married?". Then after we were engaged, I heard "oh wow, you're so young! You're going to miss out on so much". I'm sorry, what? First this is a double standard but what am I missing out on? Building a life with my favorite human? Traveling with my favorite human? Supporting my favorite human in everything we do? Having someone to come home to every night who loves me no matter what?
Then, as soon as I we were married the questions about kids started. And no matter what my answer was, it wasn't right. "But, you're married now so it's okay to have kids" "Yes, you're so young you should definitely wait" "So why did you get married if you weren't going to have kids". First off, my body, my decision. Secondly, I am just now learning to be a partner in a marriage, and I'm 23 (well 25, now, but my thoughts remain the same), there's ZERO rush. Thirdly, marriage does not equal kids. What if we never want kids? What if we can't have kids? What if I'm currently pregnant and just don't want to share. Can we just all agree to stop asking this question unless its your bestie? Thanks.
Hilarious Parenting Memes of the Week! Such a funny list of memes about being a parent!:
 It doesn't help that I look like a 12 year old. Whenever people see my ring, they almost always say "oh wow, you're so young! How long have you been married?" Um, rude. I'll probably look 12 until I'm 35 so this is only going to get more annoying. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to those looks when I'm pregnant....
So this was a ramble. It originally had a point but I guess my point is let's all stop judging each other's choices. There are people I know who got married almost right after high school and started having babies while others are still traveling the world and finding themselves. I fall somewhere in the middle - married, but still traveling and finding myself with my best friend. There is nothing wrong with any of our choices so let's all just love each other. There's enough hate in this world right now.
So, yeah, Happy Monday, let's all stop judging each other :)


Amanda said...

YES. When I was engaged people would notice my ring a lot at work and I can't tell you how many times I heard, in a very judgemental tone, "what a beautiful ring... How old are you?" Uh, RUDE. And then when I'd say 26 their tone would completely change. So annoying! What if I wasn't 26? It's none of your damn business 🙄🙄🙄 I admit, I can definitely be judgy at times, but I would never be like that right to the face of a perfect stranger. I can't understand it. Ugh.

Elizabeth | The Blush Magnolia said...

Isn't it crazy how people are always so obsessed with what others are doing?! I got married when I was 24 and we were living in Hoboken at the time and no one in Manhattan even thinks about getting married until at least their late 20's. I'm happy we did, though. It's been great to do life together. People always pressed the baby issue, too. We were married four years when we got pregnant and that was just perfect. She's a lot of work and I wouldn't trade it but I'm really thankful we had time with just us first!

Whitney H said...

I feel like I could have written this entire post myself! Nick and I moved in together after dating for only 6 months (and I was only 19 at the time!) We got engaged after two years of dating and got married when I was 21 and he was 25. And I STILL get confused for a college student (in fact, when I saw a rated R movie last year, I got asked for my ID!) I definitely feel you on all of this!

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