Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Am I Weird?

I'm going to confess another secret to you guys. Last Tuesday, I admitted I'm a cry baby and apparently this Tuesday I'm back to do it again. Let's hope this doesn't become a pattern or things could get quite embarrassing around here.

Anyways, this Tuesday's confession is that I miss school.

Yes, you read that correctly.

I miss school.

I miss studying. I miss library days. I miss being crazy busy with so many different things going on. I miss random coffee dates and drinks on the weekends and having a relatively steady schedule. I miss spending time sitting outside and reading. I miss sitting in class and feeling like I was learning something. I miss only working 4 hour shifts (granted they were almost every day, but still). I miss group study sessions with friends where you really just ate and laughed and pretended to work.

I honestly don't know the real root of these feeling, either.

Sometimes I think it may be just because I feel stuck in my job doing something I don't like where I feel useless, pushy and it's the same thing over and over all day long. I never feel challenged or as if I'm helping anyone. I never feel challenged and I definitely don't feel like I'm learning and growing. I see friends (and other bloggers) doing jobs they love where they feel challenged and love what they're doing.

Christian came home last night with an e-mail from the CMO of the hospital he works for telling him how grateful they are for him and how some of the "higher ups" had a meeting where they discussed people who are excelling and his name came up. He's an entry level (as low as it goes) IT application specialist whose turned into a major project manager and his overseeing TWO major projects even though he's been there a little over a year.

I couldn't even contain my excitement for him. I've watched him slave away over these programs he works on and stay up all hours of the night to fix problems when he's on call 4 weeks of the year. He works so hard, but he likes what he's doing. Of course he still gets tired and annoyed but it is WAY less than I do.

I feel stressed, tired, upset and useless every. single. day. when I'm at work. Or thinking about work. Or on my way to work. You get the point.

This could very honestly be the reason I miss school. But, it could also just be how much miss Boone and Appalachian in general. I always felt at home there. From the second I moved to Boone, I felt happy and content. I knew it's where I was supposed to go to school and I love everyone I met and everything I experienced during my time there.

We promised we would go up there every season, but we haven't been up there since we got engaged in October and although we keep wanting to make it up there, my weird schedule makes it difficult because I can't request PTO for a normal weekend because of other things I have coming up (you know, like a honeymoon)!

Maybe this is a feeling of homesickness for Boone that will fade once we get up there to visit. Or maybe this is a more serious situation where I'm feeling useless and bored in my job. Either way, I'm sad about it and I really need something to make it go away. 

I also really hope I'm not the only recent grad whose ever felt this way, because I always thought it would take a bit longer for me to miss school... instead, I'm dreaming of a Master's just so I can go to school again. 
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Tiffany @ This Whole House said...

Boone is a hard place to leave for sure. My hubs and I both graduated from App and it took us years to leave our ties from the place we grew to love so much. We even searched for jobs there for the longest time... Until we moved to the beach. It reminds us so much of Boone in so many ways, minus the cold temps. Praying you find wisdom in what will bring you fulfillment! It will come :) :)

Pleas(e) and Carrots said...

I miss school so much. I miss having summers off and winter break and having grades to help me determine how I'm measuring up. You are not alone!

Teh Megan said...

When I left Raleigh after graduating from NC State, I felt homesick... and I don't get homesick. I still pine to go back to Raleigh and live. I don't miss school all that much, but I definitely miss the area.

Being from "down the mountain from Boone," I can completely understanding missing that area as well. It's gorgeous! Every fall I wanna go home and drive up to Boone just to see the leaves on the mountains.